


Two Weeks Notice

by virdant



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Epistolary, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Humor, deception arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26440189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: In the aftermath of Obi-Wan's stint undercover of Rako Hardeen, Count Dooku comes to some unsettling realizations that require him to leave the Sith.or: Dooku turns in his 2 week notice.
Relationships: Dooku & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dooku & Sheev Palpatine
Comments: 28
Kudos: 401
Collections: The Temple Archives





	1. Chapter 1

Dear Darth Sidious,

Thank you for your consideration during these past few years. Recent events have led me to reconsider my time under your tutelage. It has come to my attention that poor decisions have been made by my lineage, no doubt due to a lack of mitigating influence in the Temple.

I have valued my time as a Sith greatly. Running a war has allowed me to exercise my skills like I have not been able to in the past. It has been a great pleasure to sow chaos across the galaxy. It is unfortunate that I will no longer reap the benefit of said chaos, but in light of recent observations, it is no longer my priority.

No doubt you are also tired of your own machinations, with your assassination attempt so close behind you. It was a masterful plan, though I find that being kept in the dark uncouth of you. No doubt you were hoping for young Skywalker to slay Master Kenobi in a rage, thus removing one thorn from your side. Master Kenobi’s military prowess continues to astound.

I am disappointed that I have had to learn of this plan of yours from Master Kenobi rather than from your own mouth. Do we not remain in close contact for this very purpose of ensuring that we are on the same page? Your need to keep secrets is understandable, but it does lead to difficulties when coordinating our attempt to take over the galaxy.

Yet I am not writing to point out the flaws in your leadership and teamwork skills. As you have never been a Jedi, you no doubt have failed to learn such creche lessons. I am writing to tender my resignation to your cause. While I still have aspirations towards galaxy domination, I find that there are situations that I cannot rectify in my position as a Sith.

No doubt you have seen Master Kenobi already, hair buzzed short and an attempt at the fur of a small animal on his face. His time undercover has not served him well, and his decision to attempt a goatee as his hair grows back is unbecoming of my lineage! It is an utter travesty that this has happened, and it cannot be allowed to continue. Master Yoda, with his lack of hair and facial hair both, is clearly no help at all, and Skywalker cannot be trusted.

Obi-Wan Kenobi has grown a goatee, and this is not acceptable.

It falls onto me to correct the path that my lineage has chosen.

I must return to the Jedi to ensure that Obi-Wan Kenobi’s personal grooming habits are up to standard.

Your former apprentice,  
Count Dooku of Serenno


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> discord: "crack idea to bounce off this: dooku attempts to assassinate bail bc he realizes where obi-wan got the inspiration"  
> me: well

To the Bounty Hunters I hired only a few days ago;

It has come to my attention that there is a man perpetuating untoward crimes in this galaxy, and I must hire you to remedy this. Obi-Wan Kenobi cannot be allowed a goatee under any circumstance.

Please assassinate Bail Organa at your earliest convenience.

Best,  
Count Dooku  


**Author's Note:**

> there was some conversation in the discord, and while i was paying attention, i also only had 4 hours of sleep, so all i really remember was that i agreed to write a fix-it where dooku returns to the jedi because obi-wan attempts a goatee as his hair grows back from the rako hardeen incident, and nothing much else.
> 
>   * Follow me on twitter [@virdant](http://virdant.twitter.com)
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> 



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